There is nothing simple about dating

Last night my newly single friend and I went speed dating. I’ve been once before and even though it was a while back, I know I had more fun (and success) the first time around. At the risk of sounding judgemental, when we got there and I looked around the room, I knew it was going to be a long night. Most of the guys seemed to be either too old, too weird, or too not my type. Yes, I realize that I’m judging a book by its’ cover, but in my defence that’s what I do for a living. Being a recruiter means I need to make a quick assessment of how people first present themselves; you never get a second chance to make a first impression. That being said, I always give people that second chance to prove me wrong. Unfortunately last night, nobody rose to the occasion. I did have a few good conversations but nothing that made me want to check “yes” on my little sheet. The best part of the night was the pint of beer before and after the event, and catching up with an old friend.

Just in case any one who reads this is thinking of trying it out, let me give you a few pointers based on my experience. And please, don’t be discouraged by my lack of success – it’s probably just me having my standards for things like a sense of humour and wittiness and class set too high.

Speed Dating Etiquette 101:

Good opening line: Hi my name is Tom. It’s nice to meet you.
Bad opening line: I’m a student and focused on finishing school right now.

Brush your teeth, don’t chew gum. Wear deodorant, don’t bathe in cologne.

Dress to impress me. You don’t need a full suit and tie but a dress shirt, maybe even a blazer, is a good start. Baggy jeans, a sports jersey of any kind, or a huge sweater with “Sean John” on the front are not going to keep me from checking “no” when you leave my table.

If you're going to shake my hand be a man about it and don't make me feel like I could snap your arm off at the wrist just because I have a firm handshake.

The fact that I work in recruitment should be a benefit to me, and not you. I am not here for business, but rather, for pleasure. I do not care that you can work continental shifts, have your MCSE, or possess working knowledge of AS/400 - I am here to recruit for my own personal entertainment and not for my clients'.

Eye contact is great. Making me feel like you are trying to see into my soul or burn a hole through to the back of my head is not.

When the “complimentary” finger foods come out try to restrain yourself and not devour everything in site. Granted, most of us have come right from work so we are hungry, but if you are all over the free food like a fat kid on a cake it makes me wonder just how cheap you are.

If our name tags are different colours it means that you are way too old for me. It does not mean that you should come and talk to me afterwards and say "it's a shame we didn't get a chance to meet". It's not a shame, it's the rules and I don't date people who graduated high school before I was born.

When you ask me what my ideal man is and I say I’m looking for someone who has similar interests to me, don’t shake your head and tell me I’m wrong. It’s great that you want a soul mate who is your exact opposite because opposites attract and she will be your better half and blah, blah, blah…clearly you and I are not meant to be together.