For Christmas my brilliant sister-in-law to be got me this amazing book called "The Know-It-All" that chronicles NPR contributor A.J. Jacob's quest to read the entire Encyclopaedia Britannica from A to Z. He is a witty, clever, ridiculous writer and the book is printed on newsprint, which I love.
Much like the author, I feel the need to share this new found wisdom with those around me. I think I'm annoying my father, but he did find the tidbit about the abalone quite humourous. (Abalones are a type of snail with a row of holes in it's shell, and 5 of them serve as outlets for waste - as in "don't get me angry or I'll rip you more assholes than an abalone".) Theses are a few of my favourite entries so far:
Absalom: Absalom, a biblical character, had the oddest death so far in the encyclopedia. During a battle in the forest, Absalom got his flowing hair caught in the branches of an oak tree, which allowed for his enemy, Joab, to catch him and slay him. This, I figure, is exactly why the army requires crew cuts.
dance: In a tribe on the island of Santa Maria, old men used to stand by with bows and arrows and shoot every dancer who made a mistake. The perfect way to raise the stakes on American Idol.
divorce: Pueblo Indian women leave their husband's moccasins on the doorstep and - that's it - they're divorced. Simple as that. No lawyers, no fault, no socks, just shoes.
elf: Not the cute creatures we've been spoon-fed by the media. Elves in traditional folklore sat on people's chests while they slept to give them bad dreams. They also stole human children and substituted deformed fairy children. Wonder if Santa is really a crack dealer.
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1 comment:
so glad you're enjoying it. i want to read it when you're done, plz.
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